Miss Dependent

I have officially moved back home for the first time since moving to Tujunga. HAHA I think because I totally expected like the worst, I'm SLOWLY discovering the perks.

perk#1 The first night I moved in I said to my mom "Umma! I'm living here now! For a year!" And as I was leaving her room she said "I'm happy" HAHA aw sweet mother =]

perk#2 I like knowing that there is someone in the house sleeping every night

perk#3 Even though I really dont like it being TOO quiet during the day, its really nice at night.

Yes..that's all i can think of for now. AHAH for sure there are some things that I miss a lot about college life. BUT I'm looking at the brightside =]

Speaking of moving. Moving FORWARD!

So part of living in in Tujunga means I've been driving alot these days. And you know what that means..LOUD singing. AHAHA jk. But I have a lot of time to reflect as well. And I really think it's interesting that EVERYONE is gone. Or was at some point during this summer. My mini-theme for the summer became "miss independent" LOL not by choice really. No but by HIS choice. And the theme I'm realizing is really Miss DEPENDENT on God. I think God really wants me to realize just how DEPENDABLE He is.

I guess I will share a tidbit of something I realized in Sweden now. During my trip I thought alot about Zimbabwe and about being alone. I felt super alone in Sweden. Not like sad and lonely, but alone. And I asked Pamela if maybe I could bring someone to Zimbabwe with me. HAHA i duno just advertise around and see if anybody might be convicted to go too. But I'm pretty sure that would'nt have happened anyway. BECAUSE that same night in Sweden God showed me what was really going on in my heart and basically what I thought was that if I went to Africa by myself I would feel so sad and lonely, that Holy Spirit wouldn't be enough, wouldn't be my comforter. He'd be too busy filling the "charismatic" people and I'd just feel empty. And so I had to repent. Forgive me God for thinking that you're stingy, that you hold back. One thing Pamela said to me that rocked me was "Eurri, do you know that you can have as much of God as you want" DANG. All my life I had this passive beggar mentality of "oh IF God gives me something i'll take it." But when she said that, it put it all on me. I cant plead ignorance and say "God you never showed yourself to me or gave me this" It's now just about how much of God DO I want?

Crazy huh?

And then I think after that I got scared. I did the Heisman on God. AHAHA jk. But I really kept him at an arm's distance =I


Then another while later... I was talking to a sister <3 who shared with me what she was learning. And she said that people always get so initimidated when thinking about giving our EVERYTHING to God. But God doesnt demand all of that. He just wants our heart. Wow.

So back to the point. All these things were quite spread out in time. And as you can tell from my recent entry I was still in the flesh. But God is so faithful. And He always proves Himself. Man. It's your kindness Lord that leads us to repentance, foreals. God wants me to see how Dependable He really is. Awesome friend, awesome lover, awesome Lord. I want to see it.

Open my eyes to see