Miss Dependent

I have officially moved back home for the first time since moving to Tujunga. HAHA I think because I totally expected like the worst, I'm SLOWLY discovering the perks.

perk#1 The first night I moved in I said to my mom "Umma! I'm living here now! For a year!" And as I was leaving her room she said "I'm happy" HAHA aw sweet mother =]

perk#2 I like knowing that there is someone in the house sleeping every night

perk#3 Even though I really dont like it being TOO quiet during the day, its really nice at night.

Yes..that's all i can think of for now. AHAH for sure there are some things that I miss a lot about college life. BUT I'm looking at the brightside =]

Speaking of moving. Moving FORWARD!

So part of living in in Tujunga means I've been driving alot these days. And you know what that means..LOUD singing. AHAHA jk. But I have a lot of time to reflect as well. And I really think it's interesting that EVERYONE is gone. Or was at some point during this summer. My mini-theme for the summer became "miss independent" LOL not by choice really. No but by HIS choice. And the theme I'm realizing is really Miss DEPENDENT on God. I think God really wants me to realize just how DEPENDABLE He is.

I guess I will share a tidbit of something I realized in Sweden now. During my trip I thought alot about Zimbabwe and about being alone. I felt super alone in Sweden. Not like sad and lonely, but alone. And I asked Pamela if maybe I could bring someone to Zimbabwe with me. HAHA i duno just advertise around and see if anybody might be convicted to go too. But I'm pretty sure that would'nt have happened anyway. BECAUSE that same night in Sweden God showed me what was really going on in my heart and basically what I thought was that if I went to Africa by myself I would feel so sad and lonely, that Holy Spirit wouldn't be enough, wouldn't be my comforter. He'd be too busy filling the "charismatic" people and I'd just feel empty. And so I had to repent. Forgive me God for thinking that you're stingy, that you hold back. One thing Pamela said to me that rocked me was "Eurri, do you know that you can have as much of God as you want" DANG. All my life I had this passive beggar mentality of "oh IF God gives me something i'll take it." But when she said that, it put it all on me. I cant plead ignorance and say "God you never showed yourself to me or gave me this" It's now just about how much of God DO I want?

Crazy huh?

And then I think after that I got scared. I did the Heisman on God. AHAHA jk. But I really kept him at an arm's distance =I


Then another while later... I was talking to a sister <3 who shared with me what she was learning. And she said that people always get so initimidated when thinking about giving our EVERYTHING to God. But God doesnt demand all of that. He just wants our heart. Wow.

So back to the point. All these things were quite spread out in time. And as you can tell from my recent entry I was still in the flesh. But God is so faithful. And He always proves Himself. Man. It's your kindness Lord that leads us to repentance, foreals. God wants me to see how Dependable He really is. Awesome friend, awesome lover, awesome Lord. I want to see it.

Open my eyes to see

Cacooning

I want to fly.

Back in the Habit

Haha. I love sister act, II more.

Wow. So it seems like an extremely long time ago that I last blogged and I feel like an extremely different person and in an odd season of my life. Haha you dont really realize that you're out of a season until you stop and think and see "oh that's not me anymore..."

so where am i? Where have i been?

Man. Ever since Sweden...it seriously jacked me up a little I think. I think that's really when my Spirit and Flesh started waging war on each other. And to be sincerely honest, I feel like I've been living in the flesh more, especially the recent past =I I had so much happen during that trip and there was so much I wanted to share, and I probably will some day with some, but I duno. I went all shy guy for a bit. I thought about this blog too while I was there. Maybe that's where I went wrong? Maybe I was a bit intimidated by collecting more readers and that added a pressure? I mean, when I started this thing it was basically a diary. And not only good/encouraging things go into diaries. Also, when I started this "diary" I had alota crap going on inside me, not that there's any less junk, just more secret junk. Stupid junk? I had a random thought. I was thinking how most people like to update their blogs only when they have like good news to share. But what if someone's blog was titled "Confessions" and they just literally confessed in full details, names/places etc. their sin? That'd be pretty crazy huh? Someone consistently and publicly blogging all their bad thoughts/deeds. It's like a potential movie. HAHA WOW I am rambling...

Anyway, it's really time to put the brakes on my mindless summer. Not just academically mindless but mindless and careless about what's essential, what's life-giving. God. Jesus. Holy Spirit. This summer so far, I've just been feeding my mind and soul junk. Entertaining ridiculous thoughts. Thoughts that I had thought I had died to. But then outa stinkin nowhere, it creeps into my life and like freaking yeast works its way all the way through. O Jesus. Romance the pants off of me. LOL that sounds so bad. But please, sweep me off my feet. A new friend of mine recently asked me what my prayer request was and I said "I just want to love God more." So true. So simple, yet so hard. Pray.

Yes...since this ISNT a private diary, I will include some high and lovely notes. Not just for the sake of it but because I want to share something that was encouraging to ME.
My sweet little brother in Christ from my India team emailed this out to us a while back.

(he did the CAPITALIZING btw)...

"And today, I read in Jeremiah God's amazing, amazing Covenant to His people:

They will be my people and I will be their God. I wil give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I WILL NEVER STOP DOING GOOD TO THEM, and I will inspire them to fear me, SO THAT THEY WILL NEVER TURN AWAY FROM ME. I WILL REJOICE IN DOING THEM GOOD and will assuredly plant them in this land with ALL MY HEART AND SOUL" (Jeremiah 32:38-41)

AMAZING =]

And Finally...
If you couldn't already tell, I love praise songs and every once in a while I'll hear one that gets me.


(this is only the first few lines. But the song repeats it. It's beautiful)

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours [Misty Edwards]

Listen to it

New Look

I chose a new template, in hopes that I will start posting again.


soon...ish