some complaints, some thanks

Disclaimer: I'm just going to spill it out, messy though my thoughts may be

So much has happened since the last post I feel. Crazy revelations, some deep hurts, really wrestling with God, some wrestling with sin, thank you thank you's, and mmmm. haha

Time to be a little vague now...
I totally got owned last week and I think it was one of the more hurtful things of this whole experience. Why? Maybe because I'm not denying the condition of my heart anymore. I dont know. After I got slapped in the face emotionally I just ate bedsheet. HAHA. But thank you God for revealing to me your truth about justice through leader peter at india team hangout. And thank you God for Psalm 13. It's crazy how much it spoke into my life. It was one of those moments where the bible speaks right to you at just the right moment. Because I really did feel like I just gotta wait it out. And the psalm starts out "How long, O Lord?...How long must I wrestle with my thoughts?..." but man the last two verses "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." It's like that song. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me. I really love how God puts certain praise songs in me at certain times. I first noticed it in India, or maybe right before during training. But man, it's so good. Thank God for praise songs!

And I love how He builds on His word through life experiences. I love P. Mike's sermons at KCM. How to understand God's love for us. Three thing, the third one was knowing that the cross is the best way of God showing his love for us. We ask for and worry about worldly things. Most of the time we measure His love for us by material things or relationships or health. And we ask for those kinds of gifts from God to show that he loves us. But God says "No, that's not good enough. I dont want to just give you things that are going to die and rot, things that wont last. I want to give you eternal things. I know what you really need, you need salvation and redemption and atonement." And so he gave us the cross. Crazy.

Anyway. these days Satan has been filling me with all sorts of crazy thoughts, especially against my sisters in Christ. Please pray that i wont listen to them. Pray right now if you will. And tell me what I can pray for you. Alright. more later. toodles